Although it was a very personal read, and I related with Matthew Perry at many instances, I was able to extract a few professional takeaways from the book to create this blog. Why I picked up this book? Well, the answer is simple. I knew that Matthew Perry had addiction problems before, but I wanted to know more about him, not just as Chandler Bing, but as Matthew Perry himself. Whoever have watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S. must have felt connected with the characters of the show on a personal level, thinking that we know them so well. But the truth remains far from it. The courage that Matthew showed to play that character so well over the decade, despite his disease is commendable. He rightly puts in his book, that he indeed was Chandler Bing. Nobody would have done it better than him. But this blog is not about his personal life. It is about his career and what I learnt from his professional journey. It is about how a person can have everything and still have nothing. It is about the different meanings of success. It is about fighting and winning and still keep fighting. It is about empathy and it is about perseverance.
10 Career Takeaways from Matthew Perry
1. Fame and Money are not the answer
Before Matthews’ success as an actor, he always thought fame is the one thing that can fill his voids. I am sure many of you do. As we know, there are only few who reached as high as Matthew Perry in their careers after F.R.I.E.N.D.S. took off. A lifelong fame, and a steady flow of huge cash amounts for a decade. He had it all. But did all the fame and the money filled his voids? Far from it. I would even say that it did the opposite. It left him exposed. There is a phase that it is often lonely at the top. We often think that our happiness lies in the next job, the next promotion, the next increment, the car, the next house and so on. But the true happiness lies within. It has always been there. It is just we are so busy looking on the outside that we often forget to look inside.
2. You never know what the person sitting next to you is going through
Matthew Perry tried his best to hide his disease from his peers. For years, he succeeded as well. Even though he didn’t have to, and it was his disease that made him hide it from people who could have been his support system. This kind of behaviour is often seen in people who are suffering. Therefore, it is important to practice empathy towards everyone. You might not know what they are going through. They might be on the verge of breaking, and your one sentence might tip the balance. Which way though, entirely depends on you. If you see that someone is behaving differently, ask what’s wrong. Most probably they will say nothing. That they are fine. But they will feel seen. They will feel that someone probably cares. If they ever decide to come out, they will know that you will listen. Probably they will never some out, but they will definitely feel supported.
3. Your job is going to end one day
Even though we never wanted it to end, but ultimately, F.R.I.E.N.D.S. came to a closure. Matthew Perry, who was almost dependent on the show (not financially, but in a much deeper way), woke up the next day and felt lost. He didn’t know what to do with his life anymore. He just had one direction, something that he said had never failed him so far – Alcohol. Which he later realized was never the answer.
4. Find a greater purpose for your life
Adding to the last point, one should have a greater purpose in life to work towards. Japanese folk call it their Ikigai. A purpose to get out of bed and to keep moving. If you spend most of your weekend lost or anxious. Maybe too lazy to get out of bed or too hyper to stay at home. Then this is for you. You don’t have any purpose beyond your job. Find a hobby, something that inspires you. That calms you. That makes you a better person. Matthew found it in helping other addicts get out of it and lead a better life. Do you have yours?
5. You don't need to pretend to be the best
Something that many of us do. I would say that pleasing others is an addiction in itself. It makes you feel successful, wanted, confident and what not. But if you never experience failure, when it comes, it is going to hit the hardest. It is better to realize that you are just as ordinary as the person sitting next to you, remembering that you both are extraordinary in your own unique ways. Matthew used to feel anxious if nobody laughed at his jokes. At one point, it became his fear. It used to keep him up all night. Don’t let this happen to you. It is okay to be wrong. To be late. To take a break. You are learning as you go about your life. Give yourself a pat on your back, and just keep moving.
6. Don't try to always fit in
Many times, people give in to peer pressure. They make extra efforts to fit in. Although it is important to fit in with a company’s culture, if you feel like you don’t, change your company, don’t change yourself. We often sculpt ourself to blend in, forgetting that everyone is different. It is okay to say no. Matthew Perry, for what he thought was a once in a lifetime opportunity, tried to keep up with Bruce Willis and his parties. Forgetting that he was no Bruce Willis. Alcohol to both the gentlemen was very different. It reacted with them in completely different ways. But just to fit in, and because of his disease, Matthew didn’t say no. I see many people around me who smoke just because their peer wants a smoke. Who stay late just because others are doing the same. Listen to yourself and do what is right for you.
7. Success can mean different things to different people
For some, success means money. For some it is fame. For some, it is having stability. For some, it might be work life balance. It is easy to term Matthew Perry as a successful person. But more than once, he has mentioned in the book that he would rather give away all his money and fame to live an addiction free life. Meaning of success changed for him many times throughout his life. From Tennis, to acting, to writing, to being sober, to help others be sober. He was always in a pursuit. If I think about it, finding your life’s purpose and having a peace of mind is what success is. Most people realize it after ruining their lives chasing after their definition of success, realizing in the end that they always had what was needed, but they were never able to see it clearly because of what they wanted.
8. Don't suffer in silence
Probably the most important takeaway of the book to remember. Stuffing a problem away just makes it worse. I realize how difficult it might be to come clean to people you work with. To the management and your peers. There are infinite fears, ‘n’ number of reasons to stay quiet. You will not be liked. You will be an outcast. You might lose your job. You will be judged at every step. All these points might come to your mind. But understand this that it is not your mind telling you this. It is the monster that you are trying to hide. It is trying to hide itself. It is important to face this monster than to hide it under your bed and stay up all night. It wants you alone. It wants you broken. But you must rise beyond it. If you are struggling, go to your office tomorrow, and tell someone about it. They might not understand it. But it will definitely weaken the monster.
9. Look for opportunities that align with your strengths
Matthew was involved with another show before F.R.I.E.N.D.S. And that almost took F.R.I.E.N.D.S. away from him. Even though he was a perfect fit for Chandler Bing. He was bound by the contract. A contract he signed just to earn enough money for his expenses, to play a role he didn’t like. When it comes to career, try to go through the doors without closing the rest of them. Thankfully everything worked out for Matthew and the world got its Chandler Bing. But not all are that fortunate. Always look for a role that aligns with your strengths, have opportunities for growth, and that takes your career in the right direction. It is not essential to wait for your dream job to come to you. But even if you have to settle for less, make sure that it aligns with your career goals.
10. It is okay to take a break
Something that took me a long time to realize, but something I still can’t follow. Something that Matthew didn’t have an option to do. Or so he thought. Yes, we would have been heart broken to see our favourite character go, but I guess, it would have been better for him. He stayed for his peers. He stayed for the world. It was a bittersweet thing for him. F.R.I.E.N.D.S. made him happy. But he was also suffering at the same time. I don’t know what was right or what was wrong for him. But if the right thing for you is to step back and take a time out, don’t hesitate twice to do so. You are more important than any role you play in your career. You don’t need to earn your time. It’s yours already. You are your biggest responsibility.
Conclusion
The book gives us much more than career takeaways. It gives us clarity, direction, and most importantly, it gives us hope. A hope to understand people around us. A hope to be a part of something much bigger than us. And a hope to stay alive.
To listen to his interview on the book,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrZsyBhmMro
‘Matthew Perry shares his incredible story of survival and why fame wasn’t the answer to his problems’
P.S. This is my heartfelt tribute to Matthew Perry. A person who had a disease called addiction. Who was funny, a brilliant actor and a courageous person. Who never gave in, fought everyday but still showed up for his friends and family whenever required.
